I have gotten this question a good bit along the journey of our pregnancy.
Or Chelsea's pregnancy.
I say we sometimes and always feel weird saying it. I don't feel a damn thing in my body. I don't feel the kicks unless I place my hand where Chels says she's moving at. I don't look down with the surprise of not being able to see my feet anymore because my belly is growing out. I'm not scarfing down Fruity Pebbles and Chick-Fil-A ice dreams at all hours of the day. Yes, as a couple technically we're pregnant, but I try to stray away from the term we. Personally.
Chels asked me the other week as well. And I sat and thought about the fact that I didn't have as much as a written draft of one to even publish soon. Which is good actually. For those that know me, I don't mind writing about personal things to a certain extent or talking about the things people shy away from. But I didn't feel bad that I hadn't updated my blog with weekly updates of what my wife and daughter-to-be were going through. In a way I was more present in doing so. Not worrying about everything that would happen or did happen already that I needed to jot down for my next post. Instead, I'm just being the non-pregnant, non-fruity pebble craving, husband that anticipates last second grocery store runs for whatever it is she needs. And that's dope.
But what I did want to share was a little glimpse inside of our journey so far. Lately it has been a bit unorthodox. Weird to say the least. I posted a picture of us recently calling her my superhero. Which has always been the case. She's tough. She gets through the bullshit. But these last 7 months have amplified the superhero Wonder Woman tag. It's kind of hard to truly understand what's happening to her. I see it. But that's it. Like I said, I feel the kicks, but she literally feels the kicks. Sometimes "feeling like she kicked an organ." I'm assuming that's not TMI and a common description of a baby kicking. I apologize if not. Unorthodox in the sense that for one of the bigger appointments for her, I sit out in the car and go get donuts instead of be in the room with her. COVID-19 has put a little tweak in our first pregnancy.
Now let me clarify. We are both well aware of the fact that it, in fact, could be so much worse. There are a ton of people going through far worse, but like I have said in previous posts: we all have our own problems. Emphasis on "our". It's bullshit I have to clarify that in the first place but we all know what the deal is with that kind of thing lately. We have counted our blessings, but in reality it is a bit weird for her to figure out how to plan a baby shower by way of a drive-by drop off. It's weird to have chimes by people occasionally about whether or not family, or even your husband, can even be in the room down the road for birth. Now, it won't be to that extent, and if it got to that point somebody call 'em because ya boy will be in the room by ANY means. Cuff me. Nonetheless, weird is one of my most used words for this entire situation.
Besides having some items on shipping hold and availability affected by COVID, one of the things that has been good is the time we've had to strip wallpaper, put together the crib and bassinet, chandeliers, and paint for the nursery. With some more things on the way and a little more character to add to finish it off, we're excited to get that done.
It's been crazy to see the formation of a belly with the knowledge that a human is growing inside of it. A WHOLE BABY HUMAN. I started taking pics of her from the side to see the last bit of transformation until she gets here. In just two weeks you can see a difference. It's felt like such a long time since we first found out. It's felt like it has been taking forever and it's still such a long time until we get to meet her. But at the same time, it's gone by so damn fast. I forget sometimes that she's even pregnant simply because besides some minimal (she may kill me for using that term but I mean minimal in the sense that there haven't been really any crazy bad side effects) side effects, she's her normal self plus a bump! And the bump gets lost in the illusion of big black sweatshirts! She finer than ever!
I'll continue getting her ice dreams from Chick-Fil-A and continue taking Polaroid shots so we can capture the remaining transformation. We'll continue dealing with the circumstances we have all been dealt the way we see fit and safely. It'll be a story to tell when our daughter is old enough to hear it. I can't wait to tell her how much of a trooper her mom was through a time of such uncertainty while going through so many different emotions. In hopes that she, in return, doesn't look at me and demand an ice dream with chocolate syrup topping.
Better yet: Make that two!
I hope everyone is staying safe and sane. Finding ways to pass the time and take advantage of this time. It's our most valuable resource. Use it. Enjoy it. And most of all, treasure it. We don't get any of it back.